That was my first thought upon waking up. It was the morning of September 17th and my Mom and I had driven to Jacksonville, FL the night before so that I could board my flight that morning.

We had stayed at a motel that was questionable at best, and downright dangerous at worst. I mean it looked like a scene from a horror movie, just before the killer made his move.

The beds creaked and the blinds didn’t close all the way, allowing anyone a view of us sleeping. However, at $40/night with no availabilities anywhere else close by, we made due.

When we got to the airport, I hugged my Mom goodbye. Surprisingly, my bag full of batteries, lighting equipment and camera gear made it through security without incidence. That was a first.

As I sat on the plane, I couldn’t believe what was even happening.

Just the day before, my plan had been to stay in Destin and work whatever photography jobs I could find while I mapped out my success. My Mom and my girlfriend, Alexandra, were sitting with me at Zoe’s in the Destin Commons when my twin brother Chase (refer to my blog post about Twins in the PNW) had called. He was already living in Brooklyn working with a 3D Printing and Manufacturing company. The reason for his call: to convince me, my mother, and Ali that me being in NYC was in everyones best interest.

Being an extremely logical human being, and a great salesmen, it took him all of about 15 minutes. He reasoned that if I was going to be working, there wasn’t a place with more clients or opportunities than NYC. Then it came down to money. I was very broke. I had just spent over a month traveling all over Europe with my friend Alan. Chase offered to let me stay at his place for free and convinced my Mom to buy the plane ticket. At 24, it wasn’t really a proud moment for me. I hate being dependent on other people, but at the same time, I was once again in awe of how great of a family I was gifted. I’ve never once had to ask them for their support. In fact, they go out of their way to actively look for ways to make my life easier.

The deal breaker for me ended up being the timing. That weekend, Brooklyn was hosting “Photoville,” a massive gathering of great photographers that display their work in shipping containers below the Brooklyn Bridge. The week after that, CreativeLive, a free educational company that broadcasts lessons live online, was hosting “PhotoWeek” in Chelsea.

***

As my plane touched down at JFK, I knew my life had just changed in a big way. The last time I had seen NYC was when I was 10 years old on a trip with my father.

I was afraid. So many thoughts ran through my head:

“Would I come up here, only to let my family down and waste their resources? Am I even good enough to land large commercial jobs? There is so much I don’t know about the industry. What if I’m doing this too soon? What if I suck and get blacklisted from the industry, never to be respected in the thing that I am truly passionate about? What if I have to go back to working a corporate job and living in mediocrity? Will I ever have enough money from photography to be able to support the life I want to live? How will I even reach the right clients, much less stand out?”

Throughout my life, that Devil has been strong, but my Angel has always been stronger, and more importantly, has always been right.

I knew that despite my fears and uncertainties, I was smart enough, capable enough, and passionate enough to figure it out. All of it.

With that in mind, I started my journey.

This is a visual story of that journey, from the random moments, to planned out photoshoots and everything in between.

I will be updating this gallery periodically so you can check back for new work.

Thank you for being a part of my story.

@gavindoran

in Gainesville, FL

2014 here we come.

"IF"